4.09 Revise and Edit Worksheet
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To show what you have learned about revising and editing, you will revise and edit the second body paragraph of your response to the module writing prompt. If you need inspiration, check out the original and revised body paragraph in the lesson.
In the space below, paste your second body paragraph as it was written in your first complete draft.
John Muir and William Wandsworth liked imagery and used to explain how nature feels to them. They really liked the words ‘ beautiful’ in a way to describe how they were looking at nature and how it left a good impact on them. Nature brought John Muir and William Wandsworth so much joy. in a story “ Calypso borealis” Written by John Muir. he like to use many imagery words like the word “ beautiful” and “ wonderful”. although nature had left a powerful impact on John Muir wherever he was in the woods alone. but when he had sat down next to the flower he felt like all his worries and anger disappeared and he didn't feel lonely or hungry. One reason why John Muir didn't feel lonely or hungry anymore is because the flowers brought him a sense of peace and calm. “ it seems wonderful that so frail and lovely a plant has such power over human hearts”. That quote John Muir shows how the flowers had such a big impact on him in a positive way and in his heart. John Muir had so much peace and positivity while sitting with the flowers or just admiring them. “ how long I sat beside Calypso I do not know. hunger and weariness vanished, and only after the sun was low in the west I clashed on through the swamp, strong and exhilarated as if Nevermore to feel any moral care”. And then in that quote John Muir expresses the way he didn't know how long he had sat there next to this beautiful flower because he was so amazed on how wonderful it was. Although in the poem it goes on to say “ I wandered alone as if I was a cloud” William Wandsworth plect to use imagery to show how he felt “ golden daffodils” and then another one that he used to express was “ fluttering and dancing in the breeze”’and“ a host of golden daffodils; beside the lake, breathe in the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze.” Thereafter He views nature as if it was alive. he enjoyed using descriptive words such as “dancing” and “fluttering”.Plus “ and then my heart with pleasure fills, and dances with the daffodils.” William Wandsworth he liked to describe his heart feelings with pleasure and dancing with the daffodils. his heart was very full with pleasure because he was happy to be around nature.
Revision Focus: Idea Development and Transitions
Carry out the following revisions to improve your second body paragraph.
Introduction of quotation: Improve the introduction of at least two of your quotations. Highlight the revision.
Evidence: Add or change (make it shorter, make it longer, or change it entirely) two examples in the paragraph. If you add an example, be sure it is explained. Highlight the revision.
Explanation: Strengthen the explanation of two of your examples by connecting the evidence and the controlling idea. Highlight the revision.
Connections: Add an explanation that connects the two texts. Highlight the revision.
Transitions: Include a minimum of three transitional words or phrases to connect ideas. Highlight the transitions in your topic sentence and within your body paragraph.
Edit: Read your new and improved second body paragraph. Ensure the spelling, punctuation, and usage are correct.
Include your revised and edited paragraph below:
