Hope this isn't too late but here are some suggestions:
Essay quote ~ Suggested improvement
"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness has been violated through different literatures
"
"Pieces of literature, forms of literature".
"One out of three shots fired, went through Malala's left eye socket"
Unnecessary comma.
"Malala's life was put in danger when an individual disagreed with her beliefs, and used violence as an option."
Unnecessary comma - Do not place comma before 'and'.
"For examples the Japanese Americans were forced to go to camp during war in 1942."
"For instance, the Japanese Americans were forced into camps during the war in 1942."
"Those asked to go, had no choice but to go to the camps."
Unnecessary comma.
"Within literature and history Liberty is violated."
Add comma - "Within literature and history, Liberty is violated."
Those are all my suggestions, gl
