Unresolved conflict can destroy an individual’s self-esteem or damage a group’s capacity for teamwork. Helping youth learn how to deal with unresolved conflict can help them learn how to communicate their ideas and opinions in a way that adds value to future collaborative efforts. Some common tips to help youth resolve conflict include:
Stepping back and thinking
Understanding your goals for the conversation
Listening to understand
Communicating your feelings without placing blame
Being aware of your own defensiveness
Acknowledging your assumptions
Seeking common ground
Understanding the other’s point of view by asking clarifying questions
Knowing that conflict can be healthy
Separating people from problems
So how do we help youth effectively address conflict? In any situation that has resulted in conflict, we typically spend the majority of time focusing on the areas in which both parties disagree. It is equally important to remember there are often areas on which both parties agree. Seeking this common ground can help reduce defensiveness in both parties and allow them time to develop a solution to the conflict.
It is also valuable to understand what is important to others by listening and asking clarifying questions; this shows you value their opinion even if you don’t agree with them. The real root of a conflict may be buried under emotions and misunderstandings. By asking questions, the true conflict should become clearer, making resolution possible. It is important to realize people usually only see their own solution to an issue. By asking clarifying questions, you can help all parties involved develop a better understanding of all the viewpoints. Seeing all sides of a conflict should get you one step closer to resolving the issue.
You can help youth develop some skills to resolve conflicts by providing them with the opportunity to view the commonalities found on both sides of any issue. You can also present issues for youth to discuss and encourage them to ask questions so they better understand all points of view. Helping youth understand another’s point of view expands their frame of reference and gives them more ways to deal with difficult situations in the future.
