What needs revision in the following selection from the essay? #3 When Jerry resists, readers see how selfish and immature he is behaving, he’s acting extremely selfish and childish and immature because all he cares about is buying those cards for himself while also observing the generosity and maturity of Armand. A) The sentence is choppy and needs to be combined with the sentence before it B) The sentence repeats the same words and needs to be shortened for clarity C) The word "childish" is unclear and is the wrong choice for this sentence D) The writer is using slang, which is inappropriate for an academic essay

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25-02-2022
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What needs revision in the following selection from the essay? #3 When Jerry resists, readers see how selfish and immature he is behaving, he’s acting extremely selfish and childish and immature because all he cares about is buying those cards for himself while also observing the generosity and maturity of Armand. A) The sentence is choppy and needs to be combined with the sentence before it B) The sentence repeats the same words and needs to be shortened for clarity C) The word "childish" is unclear and is the wrong choice for this sentence D) The writer is using slang, which is inappropriate for an academic essay

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mcarc09 mcarc09 · Answer 1 · 2022-03-07T10:59:40+01:00

The revision that would best correct the sentence from the essay is the one that states the sentences repeats the same words and needs to be shortened for clarity. (option B)

What revision should be made?

The problem with the original sentence is that it combines two clauses inappropriately, especially because the second clause repeats words from the first one, such as "selfish" and "immature."

To improve the sentence, we must eliminate the repeated words. Also, the sentence must be shortened, all redundant information being removed. One possibility is: "When Jerry resists and shows he only cares about buying those cards for himself, readers can notice his selfish and immature behavior in contrast with Armand's generosity and maturity."

Learn more about revisions here:

https://brainly.com/question/8823021