The revision that would best correct the sentence from the essay is the one that states the sentences repeats the same words and needs to be shortened for clarity. (option B)
The problem with the original sentence is that it combines two clauses inappropriately, especially because the second clause repeats words from the first one, such as "selfish" and "immature."
To improve the sentence, we must eliminate the repeated words. Also, the sentence must be shortened, all redundant information being removed. One possibility is: "When Jerry resists and shows he only cares about buying those cards for himself, readers can notice his selfish and immature behavior in contrast with Armand's generosity and maturity."
Learn more about revisions here:
https://brainly.com/question/8823021