If someone close to you is showing signs of being abused, it is important to do what you can to support them and try to get them help, Masemola says.
The first step if you think they may be in danger is to find out if your suspicions are correct.
“The easiest way to do this is to ask them. But this is a sensitive subject so you want to ensure you don’t offend them because the perpetrator may be someone they love. The victim may not be open immediately or may make excuses for the change in their behaviour,” she says.
“The best way is to create a safe space in which you inform the victim of the changes you have noticed and let them know it’s okay for them to be honest with you. Respect their privacy and don’t push to want to get them help without their consent.
“Try to not come across as judgmental, but rather empathise with the victim and reassure them that their story is safe with you,” Masemola says.
Once the victim has trusted you with this information, you will need to assist them in the best possible way without them feeling like you’re imposing. Asking their permission to contact the police or government emergency lines for abuse is the first step.
“You can also offer practical assistance if you are able to, like a place to stay, connecting them with a therapist, empowering them, providing resources, and accompanying them to therapy when they are ready,” she adds.
Masemola stresses that overcoming abuse is a long journey and getting counselling is an important part of the healing process. A therapist will help them regain self-confidence, esteem, self-love, and allow them to work on self-compassion and forgiveness.
She adds that the friend who is helping the victim may also need professional assistance.
“They may be experiencing vicarious trauma, which is secondary trauma, and may not know what to do with the overwhelming feelings and emotions. They may also need support to avoid compassion fatigue and giving up on the victim.”
